Articles

THHHPPPPPBBBTTTTT
– Amanda the Orangutan

Como Park Zoo and Conservatory is a treasure. It is socketed conveniently in between the two cities, free to attend (although poking a donation into the plexiglass box at the entryway feels good), and home to a vast menagerie. I love to watch the lions loll in uffish thought. The emperor tamarins, which have such proud mustaches, look like they could tell you lengthy stories about their glory years in Her Majesty’s Naval Service. Even the sea urchin in the aquarium enchants as it rhythmically scrapes its odd number of teeth against the glass in perpetual search for whatever it is that sea urchins like to eat.

Several years ago, when her children were little, Carol Lauren-Schmidt attended a youth soccer game. During a brief moment when the riveting match failed to capture her utter attention, Carol noticed she was being watched. 

Driving isn’t fair. You have this huge machine easily capable of moving over 100 miles per hour, which is full of glowing dials designed to remind you of how ridiculously fast you’re going, and a country of millions of miles of roads to barrel across at irresponsible velocities. But what else do you have? A strong sense of self-preservation, a moral duty to avoid mangling strangers, and an army of cops standing by to tone up their monthly speeding ticket quotas.