Christmastime is a cascade of special moments, and with the exception of the church they all take place right at home: Starring the top of the tree, kids berserkly unwrapping presents, the ceremonial presentation of nog, the annual screening of A Christmas Story, and as many traditional treats as there are families to enjoy them. It is no wonder why people like to feather their nests with lights for a holiday that revolves so tightly around their homes.
Hello, detective. You’ll not know my name, but I know you, and I know your impressive reputation as a breaker of codes and solver of crimes. Well, I come offering you both. The FBI has tried to catch me with zero success. Let us see if you can do any better. In these cards I offer you four confessions, as well as the location of the crime that has been committed. Every Moriarty needs his Holmes (though not every Moriarty became that way by choice…) At any rate, let us put your wits and wisdom to test. I wish you luck, my new friend. Truly, I don’t think you know how much I wish you good luck, companion…
–Wish You Were Here
“Throughout the 90s my wife and I volunteered a lot for Toys for Tots — we love kids and the Marines,” said Santa Joe. “One year the volunteer Santa had to bow out. I was working in the warehouse that day, because I know how to use a forklift, and I thought ‘well, I’ve got a beard, and I’m fat,’ which were my two goals when I got out of the Navy, so I offered to be Santa that year.
I remember the day after Michael Jackson died very well. That morning I met with my friends at the park and ride so we could all go fishing together — one of them told me to stop singing “Smooth Criminal” on the way there. Once arrived we started paddling, arguing about which Rapalas were ideally colored for attracting bass. No one could agree on a color.
1666 1st Ave N, Fargo
Nov 21st & 22nd 5:00 – 9:00pm, Nov 23rd & 24th 12:00 – 5:00pm
Inspired by the traditional holiday markets of Europe, Christkindlmarkt is downtown Fargo’s preeminent winter shopping experience. Held by Folkways, whose mission is to better connect locals while improving their quality of life, Christkindlmarkt features every kind of vendor you could need help from to put on a homey Christmas. Browse artisanal pottery, chocolates, jewelery, and ornaments, enjoy mulled wine and hot German food, and finally nip inside Drekker Brewing Company to dance to the live music there, which comprises everything from classical to polka. How better could you get into the holiday spirit?
I have become a fuddy duddy when it comes to Christmas. Whereas when I younger I used to string together garlands out of popcorn for the tree, construct gingerbread churches complete with stained glass windows made from melted Life Savers, and wrestle the dog to the floor so I could tie a Santa hat around her head (she loved it), now I can no longer be asked to do more than record A Christmas Story so I can delete it the following August. Thank God not everyone in this state is a boor like me — going around to see the lawns of Minnesotans who are emphatic about decorations is one of the best parts of this time of the year.