Fall Family Fun (Twin Cities)

Parents have to face a great challenge during this time of year. How do you let the kids enjoy some good old-fashioned seasonal fun without exposing them to (A) horrifying things that will require costly therapy down the road, or (B) drunken oafs who might say no-no words in public? Fortunately, there are plenty of wholesome family destinations to enjoy around the Twin Cities this fall, such as these three that would let us use their photographs.

Duluth Haunted Ship

We’ve seen every conceivable kind of setting put to good use in horror movies. Friday the 13th ruined summer camps forever, The Shining and Psycho don’t make good cases for ever setting foot in a hotel, and if it weren’t for The Return of the Living Dead or Pet Semetary most of us would have no reason to be unsettled by cemeteries. Boats are no exception — Jaws, Lake Placid, and Down Periscope all make their viewers never want to leave land again. (If you haven’t seen it yet, then whatever you do, do not watch the opening of Ghost Ship on YouTube. It’s this one scene with a full dance floor and a taught wire and…yeesh, it’s just the worst. Don’t look it up right now, on your phone.)

Guide to Fireplaces

It may be the perfect temperature outside right now, but true Midwesterners know that’s just Mother Nature’s trick to lull us into a sense of false security before she torments us with yet another hard winter. Now is the time to think about how you’re going to keep your tootsies toasty before it becomes too late. If you’d like to take some of the burden off of your furnace while adding a lot to the ambiance of your home, a fireplace is just the way to go about it. This is a primer on your options.

Twin Cities Horror Festival

Most genres tell pretty well what a story is going to be about. If it’s a romcom, two very attractive people are going to overcome some ordeal to find out that they’re exactly attractive enough for one another. If it’s action, a guy with a testosterone level that would disqualify him from running in the Kentucky Derby goes about saving the day via rocket propelled grenades. If it’s noir, a detective narrates everything in a voice that sounds like he gargles razor blades after meals. 

Local Fall Beers

BAUHAUS BREWING SCHWANDTOBERFEST

Schwandtoberfest

Bauhaus Brew Labs

Named after Bauhaus Brew Labs’ “COO, head brewer, and janitor” Matt Schwandt, Schwandtoberfest is one of Bauhaus’ few very traditional beers. It is brewed in the fashion of Bavarian harvest celebration beer, which would have aged in a cool cave beginning in March. Schwandtoberfest is rich copper in color, and 5.7% ABV to give it the right extra oomph that celebrating the harvest calls for. This is a malty lager, with just enough hops to balance its sweetness without overpowering it. Its Mandarina Bavaria hops give it a subtle floral flavor with a hint of tangerine, and it finishes clean as a dry lager should.