Every Minnesotan

Down in Minnesota-ville

Liked the state fair a lot

But the Minch,

Who lived just north of Minnesota-ville
Did NOT!

(The Minch is a brand new, original character
So a copyright lawyer can’t sue the narrator.)

Every summer the Minch would watch and would glower

As people rode up and down State Fair Space Tower.

He grumbled while corn dogs were served by the ton,

“If I do not like it, why should they have fun?”

The Minch could not sleep while the Great Sing Along

Produced round after round of poorly sang song,

And the pig barn pigs squealed, and the Ferris wheel wheeled,

And the dogs at the dog show all barked while they heeled.

“I’ll put an end to the state fair once
and for all!”

Said the Minch in his lair underneath
HarMar Mall.

“I’ll sneak in at nighttime, while Minnesotans are sleeping

And take all the fun stuff. Oh, they’ll soon be weeping!”

The Minch slithered in with a big empty sack

And grabbed anything that he could sneakily pack.

He took the 4-H club’s prized roosters and hares,

He stole every stallion and all of the mares.

He grabbed all the batter for hot funnel cakes

He nicked all the fried onions, for goodness sakes!

The Minch finally packed up the last cookie pail

And hauled it to Saint Anthony Falls via bike trail.

“The morning is here,” said the Minch, “and soon they will see

What happens when they mess with a big jerk like me!”

But as the Minch carried his sack to the river

He heard a great song that made his ears quiver:

Uff-da, yah sure, oh you betcha

State fair woncha bring your light?

Uff-da, yah sure, oh you betcha

The state fair is here!

Every Minnesotan down in Minnesota-ville, the tall and the small,

Was singing! Without any state fair at all!

He hadn’t stopped the state fair from coming!


Somehow or other, it came just the same!

The Minch said “What is that? Do they really not care

That I’ve spoiled their annual, great big state fair?

Although I’ve destroyed it with seeming impunity

They still share a strong sense of statewide community!”

The Minch thought about people from Minnesota.

“Even if they say ‘pop’ instead of soda,

Maybe they aren’t so bad after all!

I will not let this big sack of state fair things fall!”

So he returned to the fairgrounds with a newly found heart

And put back all the donuts and every go-kart.

He said “I’m so sorry for stopping your fun!”

To which Miss Minnesota replied

“Doncha worry about it, hon!”

The End

by David Scheller