“Kris is a lawyer…’nuff said! HAHAHAHA!!!”

-Russ Rivas, Kris’ manager

“I’m the only stand-up comedian with his own law practice, at least that I know about,” said Kris Covi of Omaha, Nebraska. “I don’t tell my audience that I’m a lawyer before I perform for two reasons. First of all, that would make them expect a lot of legal jokes, and nobody likes those. Second, I want them to like me.”“That’s not to say I would never combine comedy with my legal work. I practice real estate law, and I’ve got material on the Nebraska Real Estate Disclosure Act that I think kills. If I ever play a club full of nothing but Nebraskan real estate agents, I’ve got it made. Maybe one day I’ll come up with the perfect joke about filing a quit claim deed that’ll appeal to everyone. Until then, I’ll keep the lawyer talk under wraps when I perform.”

“One thing I can’t hide, though, is my height. I’m 6’8”, which means I’ve heard it all. One time someone told me ‘You don’t play basketball? What a waste!’ Even worse, that was my mom. But the absolute low-point was at an airport bar. This lady sitting next to me randomly told me that I should buy a coffin. Now, usually when someone tells you that, you’re compelled to ask why. ‘My boyfriend was your height,’ she told me, ‘And when he died, we couldn’t find a coffin in his size, so we had to cut off his legs off at the shins to get him to fit.’”

“That’s the kind of thing you tend to think about for a little while. When I got home, I told my wife that when I croak, I just want them to cut two holes in the bottom of a regular-sized coffin. I’m not going to be buried looking like Dorf.”

“Don’t be fooled by my size, though. I’m not a tough guy at all. The other day I was waiting for a spot in the grocery store parking lot, and this guy in a big truck behind me leaned out of his window and yelled ‘Hey, move your car, @$#&%!’ So I said, ‘Hey, I’ll be 30 seconds. You’ll get home with plenty of time to finish that sixer of tall boys and watch the fishing channel all day, you redneck!’ And you know what he said? Nothing…because I never rolled down my window.”

“I’m a pretty down to earth guy. I get a lot of inspiration for my act just from regular family life. Like, if I never lived with a woman, I’d never have been exposed to yogurt. I’ve learned a little trick about yogurt that you might find helpful. You know how yogurt always spits a little yogurt water at you when you open it, no matter how slowly you peel its cover off? Here’s what you do: Instead of opening it, you throw it in the trash, and then you eat bacon.”

“Family life is great. I’ve got two girls and a boy. The girls are great — the boy is a little terror. One time I got back from the road, and all I wanted was that traditional 1950’s style homecoming, complete with my wife waiting at the door with a martini and a steak dinner to follow. Do you know what I got? As soon as I opened the door, my son ran up to me and yelled ‘Bad guy!’ and then punched me in the groin. I use the word ‘groin’ because I’m a family man. I work clean.”

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Kris Covi is managed by the fine people of Comedy Productions in Sioux City, Iowa. If you would like to engage Kris’s unique brand of comedy for your upcoming corporate event, you may reach his agent by calling (800) 655-LAFF or writing to info@comedypro.com.

 

By David Scheller