A city runs on two things: Our willingness to contribute something valuable to society, and our freedom to try to forget said valuable contributions by having drinks. Work and booze are the inhalations and exhalations of a healthy people. Fargo therefore has the healthiest people around thanks to the embarrassment of riches it posses in the form of bars. These are only a few local places where you can steep your noodle in the stuff in anticipation of another productive morning after.The Bomb Shelter
The Bomb Shelter is, ironically, a place you go to in order specifically to get bombed. This cheerful neon watering hole boasts explosive music and the requisite pizza, burger, and wing heavy bar fare, but the real stars of the show are their fifty specialty shots for only $3 each. There are too many shots to list and nearly just as many that are too bawdily named to print here, but they include the Chuck Norris, a cherry vodka and energy drink concoction that has a powerful kick, the Blueberry Pancake made from Buttershots, blueberry schnapps, and orange juice, and the Holy Hand Grenade with hazelnut liqueur, amaretto, and Bailey’s dropped in Coke. If you drink all fifty shots you join The Bomb Squad and receive a complimentary T-shirt.
Space Aliens Grill & Bar
This family friendly, raygun gothic joint pledges to be what aliens would do if they had to make an emergency landing on Earth. (I much prefer this over what they put poor Mr. Cruise through in War of the Worlds.) There they offer the same ribs that were once deemed America’s best at the National Bar-B-Que Convention Rib and Chicken Cook-off in Memphis as well as fire roasted pizza. With a glimmering video arcade and birthday parties for the kids in addition to their drafts on taps, everyone will say that Space Aliens Grill & Bar is out of this world.
Würst Bier Hall
Not having beer? That’s the worst. Having lots and lots of beer? That’s the Würst! Würst Bier Hall offers a variety of draft beers by local Fargo breweries Drekker Brewing Company and Fargo Brewing Company in addition to German Hefeweizens, American pale ales, and everything else you could want from all around the world. Their special challenge is “Das Boot,” a traditional German drinking game that revolves around a special set of rules for drinking a tremendous pour of beer from a giant, boot-shaped glass. Würst Bier Hall’s menu is inspired by all things Germanic and offers sausages, schnitzel, hamburgers, and spaetzle, although curiously bahn mi sandwiches seem to have snuck in there. (If you drink too many beers and get frisky, they’ll bahn yu.)
I remember back when I was a kid when my dad used to break out his record player so he could listen to his Four Seasons and Bruce Springsteen records (he was from Jersey, what do you want?), and I would have to creep around the house because even the slightest tremor would turn his turntable into a seismograph. The music sounded great, though, and it’s that quality listening which Vinyl Taco insists upon giving their guests. All of their music is played from turntables behind their bar. Also behind their bar are all the makings of margaritas, mojitos, piña coladas, and other south of the border potions. Vinyl Taco offers authentic Mexican street food on tortillas made fresh every day. The height of human achievement is encapsulated in the crispy, fried wonder of a chimichanga. Smooth, rich music only serves to better that already perfect experience.
By David Scheller